Smart Wife Husband Wife Jokes

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:

Dear Wife:
You must realize you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife. I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that, by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
Your Husband

When he arrived at the hotel, a faxed letter waited for him:

Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up.
Your Wife

Husband & Wife Jokes

Husband & Wife - Come Home Late

A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him. "Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, " You see, his name is Bill ."


Husband & Wife - Why divorce?

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband." "But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me." The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, " My lord, not a single child resembles him ."


Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy." "Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now ."


Husband & Wife - Wedding Ring

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? " The other replied, " Yes I am, I married the wrong man. "


Husband & Wife - Why ?

" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. " Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, " Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax ."


Husband & Wife - Same Service

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain?" said the counselor. " You're still getting the same service !"


Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband

One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him ?"


Husband & Wife - Love To Do

A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to." Replied the husband. " But I don't know her well enough ."


Husband & Wife - No Answer Back

A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her." One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, " I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer bac k.


Husband & Wife - Problem Father

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied, "I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. " What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it ye t.

An Honest Husband : Husband Wife Funny Jokes

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

Anniversary Gift : Funny Marriage Stories, Love Jokes , Husband Wife Jokes

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Parting Ways : Party Jokes, Lovers Jokes, Funny Marriage Stories, Love Jokes , Husband Wife Jokes

The lovers had decided that a mutual parting of the ways was best for both of them.

However, on the way to the Airport a rather heated debate started as to whose fault their break-up was.

At the crowded gate, she turned and said, "Thanks for nothing you cheap bastard."

As she went down the ramp with the other passengers, he shouted back, "Hey baby. Don't be like that. If you ever work this town again, give me a call."

Dress Shop Burglary : Funny Marriage Stories, Love Jokes , Husband Wife Jokes

"Sir, I understand you admit to having broken into the dress shop four times," the judge said.

"Yes, Your Honor," the suspect replied.

"What did you steal?" the judge asked.

"I stole a dress, Your Honor," replied the suspect.

"One dress?" the judge bellowed. "But you have admitted to breaking in four times!"

"Yes, Your Honor," sighed the suspect, "but the first three times my wife didn't like the color!"



Found Daily Love Jokes Funny Marriage Stories, Love Jokes , Husband Wife Jokes On Only Hindi Jokes

Mammogram Result : Love Jokes, Funny Jokes, English Jokes, Marriage Jokes

A woman in her fifties is at home, NAKED, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?'

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.'

The husband replies, 'What did he say about your 55-year old ass?'

'Your name never came up,' she replied.

The phone call : After Marriage Jokes ,Funny Marriage Stories, Love Jokes , Husband Wife Jokes

((((RING))))

**Pick Up**

"Hello?" "Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?""No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy right now" .....
Brief Pause
"Uh, okay then, ..this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute" A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it, Daddy" "And what happened honey?" he asked "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"
***Long Pause***
******Longer Pause******
Then Daddy says: "Swimming pool?? .. Is this 486-5731??"

Funny Marriage Stories, Love Jokes , Husband Wife Jokes Only Hindi Jokes

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.

When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions
at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!"

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
The 1st floor sign reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.


"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and The sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the 5th floor and The sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the6th floor and the sign reads:


Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store
just across the street.



The 1st floor has wives who love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives who love sex and have money.
The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.

An Honest Husband : Funny Marriage Stories, Love Jokes , Husband Wife Jokes

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

Hansna Mana Hai (Hindi Jokes)

Thappar Maarnay par NaraZ Wife

se Husband bola:

"Aadmi usi ko maarta hai jis se Pyaar krta hai."


Wife ne Husband ko 2 thappar maaray aur

Boli "Aap kya samajhtay hain main Aapse Pyaar nahi kerti"




After 25 yrs wife said: Do u remember when u proposed me,

I was so overwhelmed I didnt talk for 1 hour

hubby:Yes dear that was happiest hour of my life!




A beggar- 'Oh sundari ! Andha hoon.

Sawa paanch rupya de de..

"Husband said 2 his wife- De de, tujhe

sundari bola hai to har haal mein andha hai...



Husband:u will never succeed

in making that dog obey u!

Wife:Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,

I had a lot of trouble with u at first...




Husband : (came frm office ) Darling i m tired should

a cup of coffee

Wife: oo sure sweetheart kitchen is besides you

but plz make its strong n ya sugar shud b less..




Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means…

Without Information, Fighting Everytime!


WIFE says: No darling , it means :-

With Idiot For Ever

First Night Jokes, Hindi Jokes, Jokes For Adults

सन्ता अपनी गर्ल-फ़्रेन्ड के स्तन चूस रहा था।
लड़की उत्तेजित हो कर बोली- तुम्हें और कुछ नहीं चाहिए?
सन्ता- दूध के साथ दो - तीन बिस्कुट मिल जाते, तो मज़ा आ जाता ! ;-D

Husband Wife SMS Naughty SMS

Husband & wife are like liver & kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney.If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

Husband- Wife Jokes ..!

1. U love sum1....U marry some1 else.

The1 u marry....becomes ur wife or husband.

N the 1 u loved .....becomes the password of ur mail id

2. There's only 1 perfect child in the world & every mother has it.

There's only 1 perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it.

3. Three dreams of a man:

To b as handsome as his mother thinks.

To b as rich as his child believes.

To have as many women as his wife suspects...

4. Husband & wife r like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney.

If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

5. Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachun ko karne deinge.

6. What's the diff between Dava & d Daru?

Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date.

Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.

7. Wife ko Begum q kehte hain?

qk shadi k bad sare gum to husband ke hisse me ate hain or wife Be-Gum ho jati hay.

An older couple was lying in bed one night.

Old AGE !.....

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck.

"Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going ?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

Emotions Of A Women....Must Read friends!!!

A woman dreams ... with her heart, dreams of passion,
beauty and peace on earth.

A woman cries ... tears when she's wounded...replaced with
smiles when she knows she will heal soon.

A woman loves ... with her soul, deep and true ... with all that
she knows.....

A woman tries ... through every wrong, ... forgives past sins
and finds the strength to move on.

A woman gives ... everything inside her ... she does not hold
back because of the fears that remind her ... she could be hurt,
be taken in, ... a woman protects herself with the love that lies
within.....

Only a woman knows ....the secret truths that hide beneath the
surface of her warmth and kindness.

Only a woman knows ...the tender touch that can heal all
wrongs and relieve all fears.

Only a woman ....can give her all and have love left to give when
the giving is done.

Only a woman ... with a woman's heart ... can understand and
accept ... the many pains she will encounter.

Only a woman ... with a woman's heart ... can possibly know
the strength of her heart.....

A woman knows ... if all she owns was taken ... there are
parts of her, the best of her ... that nothing on earth can ever
take away ... the woman's heart, the woman's depths.

Only a woman knows ... it's the love within that makes her who
she is, and love without pain could be a love that is dead.

Husband Wife Jokes Hindi Jokes funny jokes

Wife to Husband : Meri to koi aulad nahi hai isliye

sochti hu ki apni saari jaydad kisi sadhu ko daan kar dungi

Yeh sunkar pati uthkar jane laga

Patni : Tum kaha ja rahe ho?
Pati : Sadhu ban-ne
****************************************

Santa Banta se bola "Bhai aaj to chay peene ka maza aa gaya."
Banta : Santa Jee, agar billi ne dudh me muh na mara hota to aur bhi
maza aata!!!
****************************************

Ek aadmi apne aap me kehta hu ja raha tha ki aisi zindagi se toh maut aachi.
Achanak Yamdoot aa gaya aur bola "Tumhari jaan lene ka hukm hai"
Aadmi : Lo batao, aab insaan mazaak bhi nahi kar sakta hai kya?
****************************************

Wife Saw Sign Board:

Nylon Saree
Rs.8/-
Cotton Saree
Rs.5/-
Banarsi Saree
Rs.10/-

Wife: Give me Rs.500 I'll buy 50 Sarees.

Husband: Andhi! Dhobi ki dukaan hai

Look around… no one here, gonna kill her….

Three answers men are most scared of

1. (Whatever)

Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don’t want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm….. I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..

2. (Anything)

Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn’t watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. (You decide)

Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don’t want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it… for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let’s have dinner first
Women: Whatever…
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anyting
(Look around… no one here, gonna kill her….)

Pareshan Pappu ki Kahani.. : Hindi SMS - Hindi Love SMS, Funny Hindi SMS and Hindi SMS Jokes

Pareshaan thi Pappu ki wife

Non-happening thi jo uski life

Pappu ko na milta tha aaram

Office main karta kaam hi kaam

Pappu ke boss bhi the bade cool

Promotion ko har baar jate the bhul

Par bhulte nahi the wo deadline

Kaam to karwate the roz till nine

Pappu bhi banna chata tha best

Isliye to wo nahi karta tha rest

Din raat karta wo boss ki gulami

Appraisal ke ummid main deta salami

Din guzre aur guzre fir saal

Bura hota gaya Pappu ka haal

Pappu ko ab kuch yaad na rehta tha

Galti se Biwi ko Behenji kehta tha

Aakhir ek din Pappu ko samjh aaya

Aur **** di usne Appraisal ki moh maya

Boss se bola, “Tum kyon satate ho ?”

“Appraisal ke laddu se buddu banate ho”

“Promotion do warna chala jaunga”

“Appraisal dene par bhi wapis na aunga”

Boss haans ke bola “Nahi koi baat”

“Abhi aur bhi Pappus hai mere paas”

“Yeh duniya Pappuon se bhari hai”

“Sabko bas aage badhne ki padi hai”

“Tum na karoge to kisi aur se karaunga”

“Tumhari tarah Ek aur Pappu banaunga”

75 Year Old

75 Year Old Lady Ne News Paper Me Add Dya
“ZAROORAT-e-RISHTA”
7 Din K Bad Ek Letter Aya “Ama is Umer Mein Rishtey Nahi,
“Farishtey” Atey Hain”